I suppose this was inevitable: they’ve invented a mouth spray that causes you to become instantly intoxicated, but lasts only briefly and leaves no hangover.
The secret, apparently, lies in how the small amount of alcohol (.075 milliliters) is aerosolized. Rather than having to guzzle Cosmopolitans or Manhattans for hours — less if you’re a lightweight — until the alcohol is finally absorbed into your bloodstream, you’re immediately affected by the alcoholic mist. When the effects wear off, you don’t have a headache and, if the story linked above is to be believed, you could even pass a breathalyzer test.
I think this product misses the point. You should achieve a state of intoxication only after moving progressively through stages of the drinking process, such as the stage of wondering whether you should have another drink and the (much later) stage where you think you are the most hilarious person in the bar and wonder why no one else seems to agree with that assessment. Drinking should be a long-term social experience, not a quick spritz from a sleek inhaler.
That said, I wonder whether sales of the inhaler will skyrocket when last call comes around and people looking for companionship feel their standards need some quick and effective adjustment.
Happy New Year! Here’s hoping that no Webner House readers lost a tooth last night.
