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Archive for the ‘TV’ Category

Another Superman movie is set to be released.  It’s called Man of Steel, and it promises to show more extraordinary feats by the first superhero of them all.

I’m sure the new movie has spectacular special effects, but I’m suffering from a profound case of Superman Fatigue Syndrome.  I’m old enough to remember when the cheesy George Reeves Superman TV show episodes — “faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive” and standing for “truth, justice, and the American way” — were rerun on cable TV.  I enjoyed the first two Christopher Reeve Superman movies, and particularly liked Superman II, where Superman gives up his powers then returns to defeat General Zod in a movie filled with classic comic moments.  I thought Superman III sucked, though, and after that I lost interest in the Superman story.  I didn’t watch Superman IV, or the Smallville TV series, or Superman Returns.

To tell the truth, Superman is kind of boring.  He’s indestructible, flies faster than anything, can lift anything, can survive in the superheated conditions at the Earth’s core, etc.  What’s the challenge?  So long as he avoids that hidden piece of Kryptonite that makes him like a mere mortal, you know he’s going to win any battle.  Any superhero who can reverse the rotation of the planet and thereby change the course of time and bring the dead back to life, as Superman did in the first film, isn’t going to struggle with any villain found on Earth.  How do you top that feat in later films?  (I’m sure, of course, that the new movie will try to do so.)

More basically, how many Superman, Batman, and Spiderman movies can be made, and remade, and remade again?  There’s so much copying, so much formula-driven film-making, and so little creativity in the movie industry that it’s remarkable when a truly new and creative hero film, like The Matrix, gets made.  Hollywood should be embarrassed to keep churning out the same characters in the same settings, over and over and over, and audiences should be embarrassed to keep buying tickets.

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I never watched Arrested Development when it was on network TV.  Richard recommended it highly, and said it was one of the greatest sitcoms ever, but for whatever reason I never found time to watch it.

Now, seven years have gone by, and long-deprived Arrested Development fans are overjoyed.  Netflix is offering the resurrected series, and has posted all 15 new episodes at once.  It’s how Netflix — which is trying to break the stranglehold of broadcast TV, and get Americans to think differently about how their home entertainment should be delivered — does things.  And the release of a block of 15 new episodes raises a crucial question for the dedicated fan:  do you consume, in gluttonous fashion, all 15 new episodes in one gorging, eating-Cheetos-and-guzzling-caffeinated-beverages-sitting, or do you, in refined fashion, carefully limit yourself to one episode per day, or per week, to string out the pleasure of becoming reacquainted with a show and its characters that have become like an old friend?

Call me hopelessly undisciplined, but I’d be tempted to watch as many episodes as I could in the shortest period of time.  If someone told me that there was an entirely new season of Deadwood or The Sopranos with their original casts I’d plop myself down in front of the tube and have at it for as long as I could bear.

So if you know someone who loved Arrested Development, don’t be troubled if you can’t get ahold of them this weekend.  They may just be indulging their gluttonous side, and we shouldn’t get in the way of their pleasure.

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I haven’t had a chance to play much golf this year, so I’m bound to be rusty the next time I hit the links.  Fortunately, if I want to refresh myself on the nuances of the golf swing, golf attire, and golf etiquette, I can always watch Art Carney giving Jackie Gleason some tips on a classic episode of The Honeymooners.

“Hello, ball!”

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Apparently there’s a “sport” called “combat juggling.”  Who would have guessed?  But the video above suggests it is so.

I’m sure the participants in these contests are fine athletes, excellent jugglers, etc., but there is just something comical about guys juggling Indian clubs, running around an indoor field, trying to knock down the opposing team’s Indian clubs.  How can you take the sport seriously?

In my view, there should be a rule that any form of “entertainment” that was once featured in a vaudeville-type act on The Ed Sullivan Show should be barred forever from “sport” status.  That way, we can be spared the spectacle of “combat pie plate spinning,” “combat ventriloquism,” and “combat Topo Gigio.”

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In a classic episode of Cheers, Norm — “Norm!” — talked about eating at the Hungry Heifer, a blue-collar dining hall where the portions were immense because all of the food was imitation.  Woody, intrigued, decided to join Norm for a meal.  When he returned to the bar he explained that the imitation food had to be called by a slightly different name, then raved about the “loobster” and “beff.”

IMG_3746Lately I feel like I’ve been channeling my inner Norm.

When my doctor told me to try to eat more fish and less red meat I groaned.  I don’t mind the taste of fish, but it’s a pain to prepare and tends to stink up the house.  One day at the neighborhood Kroger, however, I noticed packages of chilled imitation crab and imitation lobster.  They were cheap, so I decided to give them a try.  Surprisingly, they were tasty, and now they’ve been worked into my evening meal rotation on days when we don’t feel like making a big sit-down meal.  I feel good about listening to my doc when I buy them, because they have a “heart healthy” logo, too.

What’s in the imitation crab and lobster?  Mostly Alaska pollock, apparently.  The ingredient list also indicates that the product includes water, wheat starch, sodium, extracts of crab, oyster, scallop, lobster, cutlassfish, anchovy, and bonito, fish oil, rice wine, egg whites, and corn starch, as well as some more exotic sounding experiments from the chemistry lab, like disodium inosinate, guanylate, titanium dioxide, carmine, and canthaxanthin.  For all of that, the imitation lobster and crab taste pretty much like lobster and crab.  And, on the laundry list you won’t find anything that looks or sounds like red meat.  So, on any random night you might find me munching on some imitation crab leg, feeling good about my dietary habits and food spend, and inevitably thinking:  “Norm!

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Kish and I enjoyed the last episode of The Office on Thursday night — and I’d venture to say that it stacks up as one of the best series finales ever.

We’re all familiar with the Seinfeld syndrome, where a beloved series hits the creative wall, limps to the finish line, and then ends with an over-the-top last episode that is hopelessly sappy, or confused, or kills off (or imprisons) long-time characters.  That is the unfortunate fate of too many shows, and for a time this season, as Jim and Pam seemed to grow apart and a behind-the-scenes cameraman seemed to enter the fray, I was afraid that The Office might take that wrong turn.  I’m glad that Jim and Pam reconciled and the show returned to its first principles.

Sure, the final episode had its saccharine moments, such as where an orphan found her parents and Michael Scott returned for the wedding.  For the most part, though, I thought the characters remained true to what we’ve seen over the past years.  I particularly liked the way the last episode, and those leading up to the finale, believably sold the notion that all of this was the part of a long-in-preparation PBS documentary — and then managed to poke some fun at PBS executives, tote bags, and viewers in the process.  And while the resolutions of relationships was undoubtedly a bit too pat, and prior animosities seemed to vanish, it’s satisfying to see characters you’ve come to like have a happy ending.

Kish’s question at the end of many movies is:  “Do you think they get together at the end?”  With The Office, it’s nice to know that they did.

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When we last saw Jack Bauer, he was walking into the sunset as a deeply moved Chloe O’Brian watched with a tender smile.  Now Fox has announced that Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer and 24 will be back, for a miniseries starting next year.

What has happened to Jack, and what kind of perils will he be confronting when he returns to the small screen?  Beats me, but here are some ideas:

*  Haunted by the fact that he murdered Chappelle in cold blood at the instruction of former President David Palmer, Jack has sworn off violence and become a French pastry chef.  But when Tony Almeida is ruthlessly gunned down while buying a baguette at Jack’s bakery, Jack must spring into action to avenge the death of his old comrade.

*  Haunted by disturbing nightmares of being chased by several forever-comatose ex-presidents and Charles Logan with the arms of the Hulk, Jack has been become a fitness instructor.  His clients love him for the results he achieves, even though he motivates them to exercise through random acts of torture.  But when his loyal client, the National Security Advisor who happens to be David Palmer’s half-sister, is seized by French terrorists seeking to restore the Holy Roman Empire, Jack must once again shoulder the Jack Pack to battle the forces of evil.

*  Haunted by the fact that he failed to detect the presence of countless moles at CTU, Jack has become a real-life mole exterminator.  But when his excavations to knock off the furry critters infesting a large California estate uncovers nuclear devices, fatal gas canisters, and biomedical weapons planted at the estate in advance of a presidential fundraising visit, Jack is sucked into a high-energy race against time to foil the plotting of former President turned terrorist Allison Taylor.

*  Haunted by the fact that he never answered the call of nature or ate any food for days at a time, Jack has spent the last two years in the bathroom eating fried chicken and whispering inaudibly.  But when a sobbing President Chloe O’Brian calls to tell Jack that her two children have been kidnapped by her ersatz nanny, in reality an agent of the North Korean government, Jack must set down the drumstick to help his old friend and fend off an invasion led by his estranged daughter, who has been brainwashed by the North Korean state.

Well, you get the idea.

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Could we soon see the return of Jack Bauer, Chloe, implausible coincidences, and the deaths of scores of nameless, faceless innocents?

Fox apparently is in talks with Kiefer Sutherland to bring back 24, the rock ‘em, sock ‘em, “real time” drama about superman Jack Bauer, super-helper Chloe O’Brian, soulful Tony Almeida, and the otherwise horribly inept counter-terrorism team at CTU.  They’ve fought foreign and domestic terrorists, dealt with gas attacks and nuclear blasts, and watched as co-workers were knocked off, exposed as moles, or shown to be craven blowhards.  They’ve experienced countless plot twists, broken every constitutional right afforded to American citizens, and applauded as Jack Bauer has used torture to wring confessions from appalling evildoers (including his brother).

Sutherland’s current series, Touch, was not renewed.  It was a show with an interesting premise, but this season it became a lot more like 24, as Sutherland’s character and his son and their allies fought an ultra-powerful corporation that was using human subjects to advance its evil corporate agenda.  So why not just bring back Jack Bauer in full, give him his PDA and his Jack Pack and his pistol, and let the death pool begin anew?

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The story about the three kidnapped women held hostage for years in a rundown Cleveland neighborhood continues to unfold.  Questions are being asked about whether the Cleveland police properly handled earlier incidents involving the house — but for now the man who is enjoying his five minutes of fame is Charles Ramsey, a neighbor who responded to Amanda Berry’s call for help, aided her in escaping the house, and is pretty funny, besides.  His interview with a local TV reporter is an instant YouTube classic.

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When Animals Attack! featured footage of animals attacking humans.  Of course, animals can “attack” in different ways.

IMG_0907I doubt if Penny would intentionally attack anyone in the conventional sense.  That would be unseemly and require too much exertion.

Nevertheless, Penny still is a key component of our household defense system.  If an intruder invaded our hearth and home, he could easily be disabled by tripping over Penny’s snoring body stretched out on the kitchen floor.  As is the case with any natural predator, her brown coat blends seamlessly with the color of our wood flooring, making her an even greater hazard for the unwary housebreaker.

Or, the miscreant could pull a muscle or throw out his back trying to move Penny’s dead weight from her prone position.

Or, if the trespasser had any scrap of food on his person, Penny might inadvertently knock him down in her single-minded quest to fill her belly.

Some people have dogs that growl and bite.  We have a dog that sleeps.

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It’s embarrassing to admit it, but Kish and I like Storage Wars.  It’s a “reality show” where the continuing characters bid on abandoned storage lockers in southern California, then find out what’s inside and learn whether they made money or lost their shirts.  We love to scoff at the implausible values that get assigned to some of the junk in the lockers — where a beat up chair might be rung up at $50.  (I can get $50 for that chair all day long!)

One long-time participant, a boastful “mogul” named Dave Hester, isn’t on the new episodes, so I decided to do some internet research to see what happened to him.  It turns out that ol’ Dave and Storage Wars had a parting of the ways, and they are now mired in a lawsuit. Hester alleges that the show’s producers “salted” some of the lockers with interesting items that are more valuable than the humdrum crap that most people store.  The initial judicial ruling in the case favored Storage Wars and tossed out one of Hester’s claims.

Now, there’s some reality for you!

It’s pretty devastating to consider, however, that Storage Wars might have jazzed up the storage locker bidding world to make for some better TV.  Could it be?  Could it be that Darrell doesn’t constantly spout hilarious malapropisms?  Could it be that Brandi and Jarrod aren’t constantly second-guessing each other, even though we know that deep down they love each other dearly?  Could it be that Barry doesn’t really have a collection of silly cars and isn’t a complete idiot when it comes to bidding for lockers?

Yeah, right!  Next thing you know someone will try to convince us that professional athletes don’t play purely for the love of the game!

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When you start a new job, it’s not uncommon for the first day to really suck.  You don’t know what you’re doing.  You’re the new kid on the block.  You get lost on your way to the break room.  You don’t understand that your boss likes things in a particular way.

So yes, first days can be terrible . . . but even when measured against the general crappiness of first days on the job, the first day of news anchor A.J. Clemente, in Bismarck, North Dakota, stands out.  That’s what happens when your nerves get the better of you, your first words on the air are muttered obscenities, and you end up getting fired as a result.

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Jonathan Winters died today.  A native of Dayton, Ohio, he was one of the greatest comedians in my lifetime — astonishingly creative, matchless at improvisation, able to switch from character to character in a split-second, a born mimic with a rubbery face that just made you laugh.

If you’ve never seen anything with Jonathan Winters, do yourself a favor:  go on YouTube, run a search of his name, and watch some of his stuff.  He was an amazing talent, and this clip from The Jack Paar Show in 1964 gives you a very small taste of his brilliance.  May he rest in peace.

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Margaret Thatcher and Annette Funicello both died today.

During the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s, Margaret Thatcher — the Iron Lady — was a titanic figure in Great Britain and the modern world.  She put backbone into the British Conservative Party, rolled back some of the socialist initiatives of the ’50s and ’60s, and was an outspoken advocate of capitalism and individual liberties.  She refused to give up the Falkland Islands to Argentina and fought a war instead, was a staunch ally to the United States under Ronald Reagan, and was a strong anti-Communist voice in the world.  Thatcher was the first woman to serve as Great Britain’s Prime Minister, and she led the Conservative Party for 15 years, from 1975 to 1990.  Years from now, Thatcher is likely to be recognized as one of the most significant historical figures of the 20th century.

Annette Funicello, on the other hand, was not a significant historical figure.  Instead, her impact was largely cultural.  She was one of the original Mouseketeers and, for those of us not quite old enough to remember The Mickey Mouse Club, she was the star, with Frankie Avalon, of a series of ridiculous “beach movies” that always seemed to be on TV when I was a kid.  Funicello was the voice of calm common sense and reason in a make-believe world where teenaged girls worried endlessly about whether to give their boyfriends a chaste kiss, motorcycle gangs were comedic relief, and a guy named Moondoggie and a cast of swimsuit-wearing teens might break into wild beachfront dancing at any moment.

Margaret Thatcher and Annette Funicello probably didn’t have a lot in common — yet each had her own, special impact on the world.  Each sported a hairdo that looked like hardened cotton candy and probably could break your nose.  Each left this mortal coil on April 8, 2013, and each will be missed.

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Kids have been starring in TV commercials for years.  Sometimes the ads work, more often they are annoying or so cloying you feel like wretching.

A current commercial for a local car dealer features kids.  They are there just to be cute, and at the end a blond, pigtailed girl who appears to be about 4 years old sings the dealership’s advertising ditty without being able to clearly articulate all of the consonants and vowels.  Adorable, right?  Sure it is . . . the first time you see it.  But when you see that commercial during every time out on an NCAA tournament game, you quickly feel like rinsing your eyes with vinegar to avoid the sweetness overdose.

Contrast that with the classic “Mikey” commercial for Life cereal.  Two brothers push a bowl of “healthy”cereal back and forth, neither willing to try it because we all know that healthy cereal tastes like twigs and cardboard.  So they do what any real brothers would do — they force their grumpy younger brother (“Let’s get Mikey!  He hates everything!”) to give it a shot.  When little bro tries it and likes it, they know that Life must be good.  The commercial works because it’s not just going for “aw shucks” cuteness but instead tries to make its point through kids acting like real kids.

That’s why I like the current AT&T commercials, where the guy in the suit asks kids questions and we get to see kids acting goofy and giggly, just like real kids do.  My favorite the “pickle roll” commercial shown below.  Any parent has seen actual kids dissolve into helpless laughter at some silly comment — and the commercial adds the tag line to bring it home.  Faster is better!  We want more!  It’s not complicated!

When it comes to kids and commercials, a little cuteness goes an awful long way.  Better to let kids be kids.

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