Mr. and Mrs. America, are you tired?
Are you tired of being overweight and out of shape? Are you tired of buying expensive rowing machines, treadmills, and stairsteppers that now just gather dust in your bedrooms and basements? Are you tired of solitary workouts that simulate some form of martial arts and are performed to stupid music ? Are you tired of lurching from exercise fad to exercise fad like a young child who can’t make up his mind about which toy he really wants at Christmas?
In short, are you yearning for an exercise regimen that doesn’t require cumbersome machinery, will produce results, provide companionship, add years to your life, and require the kind of disciplined, long-term commitment to exercise that you know is the only way to produce meaningful fitness results?
Let me introduce you to the Fantastic Two-Dog Complete Morning Workout! It’s all described in this easy-to-read book, The Fantastic Two-Dog Complete Morning Workout.
You start by acquiring two dogs. We’ve all read the studies that show that people who have a canine companion live longer. Imagine what having two dogs will do for your life span! But here is where the science of the Fantastic Two-Dog Complete Morning Workout comes in — because the scientific choice of the two dogs will make your exercise regimen even more meaningful.
You don’t want two dogs of the same breed, or disposition. No, Mr. and Mrs. America, you want two dogs that are as different as day and night. One should be small, shifty, always surging ahead, and completely untrustworthy when it comes to bowel and bladder discharges. The other should be a heavy, stubborn, slow-moving load. Let our book help you make the right choice!
Then, when you’ve acquired the dogs, feed them. This is a crucial step in the Fantastic Two-Dog Complete Morning Workout plan, because we all know the end result that inevitably occurs when dogs are fed. That’s right — it means you need to walk those dogs and pick up their poop. And that’s where the sheer magic of the Fantastic Two-Dog Complete Morning Workout really happens, because the process of walking two radically different dogs and picking up, bagging, and tying off their poop combines every known form of exercise in one fantastic workout!
You’ll get the benefits of walking — but at the same time you’ll be pulled in two directions by your tail-wagging friends. You’ll work the upper body by relentlessly pulling the stubborn, overweight dog on the walk, restraining the energetic dog that wants to run away, then holding back both dogs as they suddenly start lunging and barking at any strange dog that crosses your path. You’ll also work on your balance, develop ballerina-like grace, and improve your eye-hand coordination as you learn to avoid leash entanglement by dogs that suddenly veer in unpredictable directions and you must spin and transfer leashes from hand to hand behind your back, often also juggling filled poop bags in the process.
Speaking of poop: your midsection gets a workout from constantly having to bend at the waist to pick up the droppings, and trying to do it as quickly as possibly before the unforgettable odor is permanently embedded in your nostrils. Then work those fine motor skills by tying off the poop bag as you continue to walk dogs that are never as fast moving as they are immediately after they’ve taken a dump and want to promptly evacuate the tainted area.
And finally, feel the adrenalin surge when the stubborn, overweight dog makes a dead stop at random points during the walk, almost wrenching your shoulder out of its socket and requiring you to pull her forward. Feel the blood rush scour every scrap of plaque and cholesterol from your veins when your dogs embarrass you by misbehaving when other well-trained dogs walk by.
And know, all the while, that you’ll be doing the Fantastic Two-Dog Complete Morning Workout for every morning, rain or shine, brutally cold or blastingly hot, for as long as your two devoted companions share your little corner of the world.
Sounds great, doesn’t it? You can get the Fantastic Two-Dog Complete Morning Workout book for only $29.95, a 50 percent discount from our normal price. Operators are standing by! Call now, and we’ll throw in, completely free, two sturdy dog leashes and a pack of 50 dog poop bags stamped with the Fantastic Two-Dog Complete Morning Workout so that you’ll think of this great product every time you bend over to do your duty. Feel the burn!