People at our office are always coming up with events to try to keep the workplace interesting. Recently they announced that, on some date in the near future, there will be an “ugly sweater” contest. With that innocent, well-intentioned decision, they placed the fashion-challenged among us at enormous risk.
The problem is that, once you get beyond a solid colored sweater, there is no sure way of distinguishing an “attractive” sweater from a repulsive one. This isn’t an issue for men’s attire; few guys have a taste for sweaters as vivid and outlandish as those worn by Dr. Cliff Huxtable on The Cosby Show. Women are another story, however. You may see sweaters with hanging fuzzballs or swaying threads of yarn, scattered sequins, ribbons, or spangles, large Brutus Buckeye figures, bright orange pumpkins, or fake fall leaves sewn on, or blinding abstract designs that could have been ripped from the walls of the Guggenheim. And there appears to be no rule of thumb that allows you to safely place one sweater versus another in the humorous, isn’t-this-a-razz,”ugly” category.
Therein lies the awful risk. A guy might cheerfully tell a fellow passenger in the elevator that their sweater is a sure winner in the “ugly sweater” contest, only to realize from the icy response that the event isn’t until the day after tomorrow. Or he might compliment a co-worker about her lovely ensemble, and then be advised that she thinks the sweater is hideous and certain to prevail in the competition. The opportunities for a colossal faux pas are endless.
The safest course is to stay in your office, keep your head down in the common areas, and avoid any discussion until after the contest day has passed and a period of apparent sweater normalcy has returned.
lol, yes, better to be safe than sorry. I’ve seen some of those sweater contests, and thought, “that’s actually pretty cute.” Didn’t want to say anything, of course…
I’ve had these same concerns with my office. I have a coworker that everyday in winter is an ugly sweater contest.
This is why these contests should only be held around Christmas, because those sweaters are ugly by design. Thanks for the laugh.
Too many ugly Christmas sweaters! And Christmas sweaters are so cliche, too.
Ugliness is in the eye of the beholder. I think I’d call in sick that day because I’d be sure to offend someone. Like asking “when are you due?” and they respond, “I’m not pregnant!” If I said, “congrats, you’re sure to win the contest,” I might get punched or at least shunned for months to come. Congrats on being FP’d!
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Cute post: Enjoyed it – Thanks for the laugh
Congrats on making f.p.
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Funny post — I think many of us can relate!
The thing is that the ugly sweater became a trademark for Dr. Huxtable…so the more he was known for wearing them, the more he would wear them. Ridiculous looking or not.
I guess I have a hard time distinguishing between ugly sweaters and “haute couture” sweaters…I would throw them all in the same category.
Cute post!
So true! I don’t know why you would have an ugly sweater day at work. I’ve been to ugly Christmas Sweater parties where everyone knows why they are there and what they are wearing. Good luck at work & Congratulations on Freshly Pressed!
I would be the one with the foot in my mouth! I made a comment to a recently divorced friend last week when we passed around birthday cards. I said, “for your new life.” It was a picture of a half naked studly guy someone else had brought. I immediately realized my mistake in that I should have said “with him she would officially be a cougar.” Several hours later she left a long message on my machine reaming me and telling me how thoughtless I was. If I had taken my time, I would have made the cougar remark instead,
Oh for a few friends with a sense of humor……
Congrats on being FP’d!!
I’m in love with the sweater in the picture!
This style is actually coming back in, along with all neon colors and hi-top fades… hopefully it doesn’t catch on too much
The ugliest sweater has to be the one worn by the actor who played the stage producer in the movie, “Help” with the Beatles. It looked like the man was wearing a thick panda bear skin. And, he wore it all through the movie.
One of the Beatles commented, “Look at that sweater. She must have knitted it for him.” Another Beatle replied, “It knitted him.” Connie
http://7thandvine.wordpress.com/
This is hilarious…I’m so tempted to do this at my office now…LOL.
Sweater not bad
Good strategy. Whether or not a sweater is ugly depends on what is in style at the time as much as it depends on anything else.
I solved my own problem, I rarely wear sweaters and if I do solid colors prevail. I wear fleece as I work at home, safe and totally non intrusive. Entertaining post.
It’s also a problem if you wear a sweater you have ironically for an “ugly sweater” day because then you can’t wear that sweater again to work without people thinking that it’s ugly.
We had this at my work. “Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest” and my boss wore a sweater she wears every Christmas season over and over. I did kind of feel bad since she actually thought this was a cute, (cotton ball covered) bell jingling, holly leaf sportin’ sweater. Good for her though for recognizing her “faux paux” and wearing it the day of the event. It got a lot of office buzz and she still wears it because she likes it. To each their own.
It’s almost as bad as “Casual Friday”. The get-ups that some people have the nerve to wear are more sited to the beach than the office!
Ronnie
Coworker today was wearing sweatpants that had writing on the butt. The day before she had shorts that said “spring break” on them… totally appropriate for an office job.
That sounds funny. We had nothing similar to that! Always kinda boring. I would find it even more interesting if people would exchange their sweaters at the end
Thank you for the evening ‘LOL!’ I couldn’t agree with you more that it’s better to play it safe than to risk sweater-humiliation.
Well done and thanks for sharing!
Kate
http://ukate.wordpress.com/
Start a celebrity death pool instead. It sounds less dangerous.
This same issue is covered here: http://personal.stthomas.edu/memccarthy/UGLY%20XMAS/index.html, soon to be integrated with http://www.uglyxmasparty.com! Maybe you’ll get some sweater shopping and uglification tips & tricks
I won an Ugly Sweater Contest. It made my mom sad; she loved that sweater.
Women always have the advantage in an ugly sweater contest for two reasons: one, they can wear those seasonal sweaters with ghosts, or turkeys, or snowmen, or hearts on them; and two, men get knitted homemade sweaters that may very well be hideous, but that they would never wear for an ugly sweater contest out of respect for the woman who made it for them.
I once went to a party and a friend had to borrow his dad’s sweater – it was all he could find to wear. There was another man at the party – a family friend of the host’s – he was wearing a sweater, too. Both were wearing ugly sweaters at a non-ugly sweater party. My friend thought his was ugly. I can guarantee that was not what the family friend of the host was going for when he selected a sweater from his drawer.
There is a picture to prove the awkwardness.
Very funny!!!! lol!!! And right!! *make sure we stay connected* http://writechuhs.wordpress.com
lol…AWKWARD MOMENTS AHEAD!!!!!!
Great post, made me LOL.
Funny and risque either way…. Fashion is a circle and it all depend on one’s liking, the sure way is to follow your style while staying aware of colors, patters and fit because if i had my way Neons would be agains the law, tie dye would be bye bye and ugly sweaders would be gag gifts but the sun rises and sets for every one even when our fashion compass seam to be in the burmuda triangle
It’s that same horror that happens when you ask a girl when she’s due only to find out she’s not pregnant. The horror! The horror!
Definitely risky. I would argue that even solid color sweaters can be ugly.
Well, some problems can be solved easily: NEVER ask a girl if she is due. Let her tell!
the sweater is very cute…
As a woman who’s made extensive study of knitting, I think I can help here:
Arguile – Stylish
Large, square plaid – ugly
Cable knits – Stylish
Shoulder pads – ugly
Mild ruffle – stylish
Gold and black – ugly
Pastel and black – stylish
Pilled – ugly
Fine fuzz – stylish
50% or more beads or sequins missing – ugly
100% to 75% of beads or sequins still attatched – Stylish
Gold and black with shoulder pads and a turtle neck – folks, we have a winner.
Anything someone’s mom or grandma made – ignore all the rules, it’s beautiful!
I love this! And I love that every guy is going to have to print this out and look carefully down the list before commenting! Too funny!
I would have to say that since it’s not the 80′s anymore, you’re safer with thinking any amount of beads or sequins are just ugly. May I also add, it is difficult to determine the stylishness of sweaters with large holes, since to the untrained (non-knitter’s) eye, they may just look like unintended holes, when they are, in fact, stylish holes, purposely put there.
I disagree with your pastel and black analysis. Kind of depends on the pattern it takes!
I think any sweater with a pattern runs the risk of being “hard on the eyes”, but I prefer an ugly hat day…..that way you can take it off when necessary.
Ha! Yeah, ugly hat day.
Funny post. It’s great. Nice job.
Great post, never thought about these things from the male perspective. I agree with your plan though, say nothing and keep out of trouble!
I just saw this on freshly pressed as an episode of ‘everybody hates chris’ referenced bill cosby’s ugly sweaters haha Good post and nice reference to Ohio State.
“A period of apparent sweater normalcy.” lol.
Has the world ever born witness to such a peaceful time in history!
Cosby is responsible for a lot of ills in our society, but at least the sweater trend kinda died with the show and pointed it out as an illness.
It seems very interesting contest, I like this will implement same thing in my office
better to keep these for christmas
Wow, that does not seem like a very good idea for a contest at work – but then again, I am fashion challenged. Love the Huxtable sweater!!
I love that sweater. That was one of my favourite shows.
Contests like this were the birth of the innocuous comment that replaced compliments. IE: “that’s quite a sweater” replaces “nice sweater”.
Bill Cosby’s got quite the sweater on in that picture.
Freshly Pressed, hooray!!!
i am proud to say that i have taken the championship in a few ugly christmas sweater contests. found a beauty on ebay for about $30, and it’s a winner. thick knit, a full christmas tree scene, rhinestones, and much more. thanks for sharing!
http://www.icouldntmakethisshitup.wordpress.com
Stay home the day of the ugly sweater contest! You may want to take the week off just to be safe. you know what they say, anything that can go wrong will go wrong!
This happened to my daughter. A group of young singles in our area was having an ugly sweater contest. When they called everyone up on stage that was competing, my daughter turned to the guy setting next to her and asked if he was going to go up. As he sat there looking at her, she realized that he was not part of the competition. Pretty much scarred the poor child for life. I am not sure she will recover.
I love this, it’s entirely true. And NOBODY beats Cliff Huxtible!
- Cynthia
right?
I would love for us to have an Ugly Sweater Contest at my Church around the holidays. But I’m guessing someone’s feelings might get hurt. Just like beauty, ugly is also in the eyes of the beholder. Lol
Do you work in Scranton,PA selling paper?
It sounds like a challenge from The Office
Ugly Sweater parties are the best at Christmas!
I have a sweater that made everyone laugh when I would wear it to work. It got to the point that I would wear it just to get a response which mostly were, “Look he’s wearing that Cosby sweater again!” I admit, I just couldn’t get enough of it. Thanks for the blog!
http://visusunoora.wordpress.com
Yes, an ugly sweater contest sounds like fun, but also a great opportunity for faux pas. I think I’d stick with only commenting on sweaters I truly like, and then if the wearer says they think it’s a good one for the ugly contest, I’d just giggle and say “Oh, well, I’d wear it, but that may not mean much! Haha” I love hand-knitting though. I know how much work a homemade sweater would take, so if any of them were handmade, I’d cheer no matter how they looked.
LOL. funny!
http://www.thecameraangle.wordpress.com
Ugly sweater contest could indeed be problematic.. another alternative could be the most unusual tie?!
I think of the ugly sweater contests whenever someone puts a “favorite” heart on a Polo Ralph Lauren sweater I have in my vintage etsy shop, MistressOfMerlin. I know it is a valuable sweater, but… two guys paddling a canoe in a mountain scene??? I think it would look great on the right man, but I also wonder if people are looking at it as an ugly sweater candidate!
You can’t go wrong when you buy an ugly sweater marketed as… an ugly sweater. Like the ones at http://uglysweaters.wordpress.com.
I just checked in to see what you thought about some of the comments here, but I am only hearing the sound of crickets…I will check to see if you respond later.
Sorry, I’ve been on the road. Lots of the comments seem to urge avoidance — that, is, don’t show up on the day of decision — but others offer tips on how I can avoid that faux pas that inevitably is going to happy. I’m flattered with the latter comments, because they confidently presume that I am capable of distinguishing the stylish from the dreadful. I’m afraid that presumption is utterly misplaced — but I appreciate the vote of confidence!
I hadn’t thought about it like that, but you’re right. The “ugly sweater” thing is just a way to really stick your foot in your mouth. It reminds me of a little tip everyone should know…never ask a woman if she’s pregnant. Just like the ugly sweater that might not be ugly at all, that woman may have just recently had one too many donuts and not be baby bumping.
I should think most males in the office wouldn’t care a bit about whether or not a woman’s sweater is ugly. isn’t it what’s underneath that he’s more interested in?
I think the 80′s in ireland were the ugly sweater decade!!!
Wow, plenty of room for faux pas there. I guess it depends on your discernment of sweater fashion too!
Really enjoyed this! . . . Appreciated starting my morning with a good chuckle! Congrats on being “Freshly Pressed”!
http://arabianmusings.wordpress.com/
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LOL! they should change the contest to best worn sweater! the standard for ugliness is different for each person!
haha! I love cosbey show
I love ugly sweaters -blush-
they are my secret, guilty pleasure
I would definitely wear something hideous, it’s better than being normal haha
Ahhhh! too funny! Since we are required to wear a uniform ugly anything can not be competed for….but my goodness, I can see an issue in many a workplace!!!!
Somewhere recently I saw a photo of George Harrison wearing an extremely ugly sweater. I’ll bet I thought it was beautiful way back then, though! Actually, a lot of stuff I wore as a teenager, my mother would say, “Some day, you’ll look back at these clothes and laugh!” Dang, Mom was right again.
Oh, this is so true. I had some crackers when I was growing up I adored but now… I cringe!
Thanks for the giggle.
I’ve seen some of those guys show up at the bar after work, wearing their ‘ugly sweaters’ from the contest at the office…still trying to pick up girls.
I have the same problem with T-shirts in my arena. I’m an aviculture writer and must attend bird expos, parrot festivals and aviculture conventions and some of the plug-ugliest t-shirts with birds on them are found on people wandering around at these events. Some of them are absolutely hideous but you can’t say anything.
Love this!
Just like an ugly sweater, any work social events requiring themed clothing are a major “don’t” as far as I’m concerned.
LOVED THIS!
I ran into a similar problem when I hosted an ’80s party. My 50-something friend with the hair that spikes STRAIGHT UP (think Pat Benatar circa 1982) told me she wanted to attend “without costume.” YIKES! I spent the entire night diverting disaster by adding into every introduction that she was a party-pooper and DIDN’T WEAR A COSTUME.
Someone should just get a sweater that has a knit depictions of various human rights abuses. That’d win for sure.
Again, I suppose there is an off chance that could be someone’s favorite sweater that their mom made for them- but it seems less likely.
Don’t stay in your office and put your head down, instead put on your absolute favourite sweater, ugly or not, and march around with your head held high!!! Take any comments that come your way with pride, and tell everyone else you see in their sweaters, ‘that is a fantastic sweater’.
Because you know what? We all don’t make the treks to Vallue Village to buy a god-awful hideous sweater, most of us have these hanging right in our closets? And why do we have them? Because we secretly like to curl up in the house when we’re all alone and wear these hideous things. Why do we do that? Because, well, we love them.
Bring on Ugly Sweater Day!!!
Great! I have a similar dilemma with an ‘ugly’ Christmas sweater business. Some people ask me what I do….and I notice they are wearing something ugly enough to be a featured item on my storefront…and I have to tip-toe around the definition of “UGLY”! http://www.MyUglyChristmasSweater.com
Make it Ugly Sweater Week! Rejoice in all the ugly sweaters hanging in your closet!
Sorry, that really ugly panda skin looking sweater was worn in the Beatle movie, “A Hard Days Night”, not “Help” as I earlier stated. My bad. Connie
http://7thandvine.wordpress.com/
I pride myself on my Ugly Sweater collection. It’s hideous, comfortable, warm, roomy and eclectic. I will never be cold, and I will never be boring. It is true that women have more room…I own no puff-ball wonders, though!
Great post, thanks!
I love it when they have ugly sweater days at high school…but you do have to be careful about what sweaters you call ugly because some people really like them. I really admire the people that can put on a sweater that is butt ugly and make it look cute.
Bill Cosby’s sweaters are the equivalent to mom jeans. So awful. This reminds me of how people throw “holiday sweater” parties. The last thing anyone should have on a sweater is a reindeer with protruding antlers and a bell that really jingles.
if you think this is bad… we recently introduced the “screw-up-cup”…
Hah! Bill Cosby’s sweaters are not ugly. The color palette is appealing and there’s nothing furry or hanging out. It’s only around Christmastime or Halloween that the true ugly sweaters show its face. *shudders*
My grandmother has been known to send me sweaters that would have gotten me at least an honorable mention… needless to say, I avoided wearing them in public as much as possible.
Oh the sweaters I have owned. I am still hanging on to one of them…..for sentimental reasons I guess. Or, for moments like this so I can reflect.
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I, for one, will be seeking out the ugliest sweater I can find. Off to Geordie Jumpers, I say!
I can’t look at Bill Crosby and not want JellO pudding.
OH so true! I would suggest making the contest a little more specific so there’s no mistake like an “ugly Christmas” sweater contest. Or “ugly 80s” sweater contest. Or you could just avoid wearing sweaters all together until the dreaded day!
When it becomes uncomfortable, just tell everyone it’s opposite day. Or that you don’t want to be friends any longer.
They sure are ugly with a capital UG!