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Archive for March 17th, 2009

The Buck Back

I am not a gambler, and I long ago stopped participating in the standard NCAA tournament pools. Too often, the team that I picked to win it all got knocked out early, and my chances of winning went up in smoke.
About 15 years ago my friends and I invented an alternative approach, called “The Buck Back,” that we think is a lot more fun.

The principles of The Buck Back are simple. Eight players play. Each player drafts eight teams, using a serpentine draft format, so each of the 64 teams in the field is drafted. Each player kicks in eight bucks. If your team wins a game, you win a buck — hence the name. If you end up with a game where two of your teams are playing each other, it is called a “buck lock.” (For the record, if you voluntarily draft a team that gives you a buck lock it is considered wussy and unsporting and is the object of derision.)

From these simple principles, a lot of hilarity results. Most of the participants have been playing for years; some of us have been playing since The Buck Back started. We keep careful statistics, and no one wants to break the futility record, which is $1. You end up watching games that you might not watch otherwise, because the team you drafted in the seventh round could win you a precious buck. Obviously, there really isn’t any significant money at stake. No one wins much or loses much. Instead, The Buck Back is all about bragging rights and some good-natured razzing.

We had this year’s draft the other day, and looking back on my draft I am not sure that I’ll be doing much bragging this year. With The Buck Back, however, you never know.

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Bad TV: F Troop

ORourke, Agarn, Captain Parmenter, and his girlfriend

O'Rourke, Agarn, Captain Parmenter, and his girlfriend

F Troop is one of those shows that was made during the 1960s and somehow stayed on the air for several seasons, despite being remarkably and consistently unfunny. The show revolved around the “antics” of the troop of soldiers at Fort Courage and a nearby Indian tribe. Sergeant O’Rourke ran an illicit moonshine operation with the Indians, and his constantly mugging sidekick Corporal Agarn was in a neck and neck race with Gilligan for the dubious distinction of being the single dumbest character ever shown on TV. In every episode their witless Captain would come close to figuring out O’Rourke’s schemes — usually because Agarn had said or done something idiotic — but O’Rourke would come up with some far-fetched explanation, usually with the help of the Indians, that would save the day. No character could top Agarn for sheer irksomeness, but the bugler who couldn’t bugle and the blind lookout came close.

F Troop is a good example of how bad TV probably reached its pinnacle in the ’60s and early ’70s, when there were only three networks and in most markets there were those three channels and a single UHF station with a weak signal that seemed to broadcast only I Love Lucy and religious programming. There is no way that such a foul show could have even made it to the airwaves, much less stayed on the air, if there had been decent competition from cable TV as there is now. In the meantime, F Troop no doubt caused a generation of Americans to form odd preconceptions about the American West and the customs, language, and culture of native Americans. It was insulting enough for the Indians to be out of shape and engaged in a criminal enterprise, but did they have to be totally unfunny as well?

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The current stories about AIG, its bonuses, and its uses of the bailout money it has received — see http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29728732/, for example — are infuriating, and I think are just going to feed the populist feelings of many Americans. When you read such stories, it’s hard not to think that the federal government — the Administration (current and former), Congress, and regulators — have been asleep at the switch. Why are they all acting surprised that AIG would pay its traders and executives massive bonuses? After all, personal greed on Wall Street is what helped to get us into this mess in the first place. How could federal money have been paid out to AIG without at least addressing these kinds of issues in advance?

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